Wake Me Up When It’s All Over


Image from National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, 1989

“Hallelujah! Holy shit!”–Clark Griswold

I wanted this next blog to be about my goofy love affair with cheese, or the oysters I recently tried, or the reasons why I am breaking up with Facebook. Instead, I am going to use Rachealizations as a means of stroke avoidance.

I don’t know if Mercury went into retrograde or the universe decided to test us all at once or what, but the last few weeks have been a giant shit sandwich with a side of hot monkey piss. Actually, let me back-up a bit. My “WTF” state-of-mind really started a couple of months ago when a spoiled piece of elephant dung went on a killing rampage just because he couldn’t get a girlfriend. Evidently, it never occurred to him that he was super-duper creepy.

And then a few weeks ago, the Supreme Court essentialy told women to quit bitchin’ about their lady parts and to get back in the kitchen, already. Justice Ginsberg’s response to the court was “Wait…what? That’s hella whacked, yo,” but Justice Alito just held up his hand and said “bitch, please.” Or, at least that’s how it seems in my mind.

From there it’s been mass murder, crackpots playing skeet with civilian planes, yet another college putting its fingers in its ears over some rapey football dicks, and a group of nutjobs getting their panties in a twitch because a Burger King in San Francisco wants to wrap its Whoppers in rainbow-colored paper.

Things are getting really weird worldwide, people.

Where’s the Tylenol? © Racheal Lee Bradford


12 thoughts on “Wake Me Up When It’s All Over

  1. betternotbroken says:

    No joke, I actually Googled” Is Mercury in Retrograde?” and I got “No, something else must be bumming you out.” It is getting weird.


  2. SouthernGal says:

    Hilarious! You are right about our supreme court! I am so tired of politicians focusing on vaginas and uterus I just want to scream…ahhhhhhhhhhh! The US keeps taking these steps backward and its really trying my patience. lol


  3. No kidding! Misogyny seems to be everywhere lately, and our “high court” is making it public policy. Egads.


  4. So apparently you and I are on the same wavelength! It has been a crazy few months. Which is saying a lot considering the “normal” level of bat shit out there. Kinda makes you want to curl up in the fetal position and binge watch mindless t.v. Or write an angry blog post!

    I do want to hear why you’re breaking up with Facebook though, don’t leave us hanging! I mean, I mostly hate it but I love hearing other people vent about it!


    • Yes, I get the sense we’re on the same wavelength about many things!

      Facebook is a sociopathic stalker and I was composing a break-up letter, but then found someone else had already done that. So I didn’t even feel special. So anti-climatic. Egads.


  5. Hi! Me again! I wanted to let you know that I nominated you to participate in The Writing Process Blog Tour. No pressure or obligation and no time limit. But I would love to see how you write and what your method is!


  6. Chris Capestrain says:

    I don’t need to tell you we are on the same wavelength; we’ve had many discussions. This was my kind of bitch session 🙂


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