“My life needs editing.” –Mort Sahl
I thought that I would be thrilled once my gratitude posts promise to my friend was fulfilled, and I could get back to the business of snark and self-absorption. But, it turns out that I’ve had so much fun with these that I’ve decided to declare Mondays as “Gratitudes and Platitudes Monday” on Rachealizations. At least until the zombies eat my face or I get bored.
Speaking of zombies, as Halloween nears, I am grateful for neighbors who understand that this holiday is not the time to make a public statement about healthy eating choices. Because that shit’s just wrong. Be warned, treat-givers, that giving a child a bag of carrots for Halloween is an open invitation to a flaming pile of dog crap on your porch. Or so I’ve heard.
I am also grateful that I am not Bill O’Reilly. Because I’m just not flexible enough to walk around with my head up my ass like that.
Finally, I am grateful for auto-correct. Because it makes my text messages way funnier than they would otherwise be. Texting your boss to “please shit down my laptop,” might not put you on the fast-track for a promotion, but it can certainly make your weekly meetings more interesting.
My mother has now officially disowned me after this post. © Racheal Lee Bradford